This week, the Oxford English dictionary added the words OMG (Oh my god) and LOL (laugh out loud). These abbreviations are now words, meaning they are permissible to be used in scrabble and doctoral dissertations, if need be. In a society were time is everything, and efficiency is golden, why do we have entire letters that are useless? Condensing is rampant in our society--we can't even spell or say a simple phrase, it has to be abbreviated. We have concentrated everything from juice to words, and now it is ripe time to condense the english alphabet.
The first order of condensing is the letter C. It is not needed because we already have the letters K and S. We have the short C sound that can be substituted with the obviously superior K. Examples: Kut, Kry, Kanned. Any combination of C in the CK is excessive. K is a stronger letter and can stand alone. Examples: Luk, Duk, Kluk. (see what I did there?!) Problem solved.
The long C sound can be exchanged with the letter S. Examples: Syber, Sylinder, Sity. This is too easy.
"But wait!" you might say, "what about the CH sound? It has value when talking about lunch or brunch!" Well, there is a solution for that. When talking about lunch or brunch, simply add a T to SH and you get the same result. Examples: Luntsh, bruntsh, muntsh. (they might look funny now, but it's because you aren't used to them.)
"Hey! Isn't that adding letters? Doesn't that negate the process of condensing the alphabet?" This is what I have to say about that: Yes, we do have to add letters, but we are looking for long term effects. There are far more useless Cs running around that can be eliminated and although adding a T is technically adding a letter, we are ultimately eliminating so many more.
Please stayed tuned for upkoming eliminated letters.
P.S. They will never let me teatsh Kindergarten, not that I want to.
